Why I'm Not Ashamed to Work in a Rehab

I'm a Registered Nurse, and for the last month I've been working in a rehab facility. I don't work in the Intensive Care Unit, I don't work in the Emergency Department, I don't work on the Oncology floor, and I am okay with that. 

Some of you may be grimacing, but "why a rehab?". It definitely isn't my dream job, but it's a job. In fact, it's a great starting job. You may be wondering, how with my background, I ended up where I did. Well I can't answer that. I can't say I didn't try for something different. But this is where I ended up, for now. This isn't the end of the road for me. My career JUST started. I've been a nurse for what feels like all of ten minutes.

I will admit, I wasn't jumping at the chance to work in a rehab. Actually I was mad. I didn't want to start from the bottom again. I wanted to start where I left off. I started working as a CNA in 2012, and the day after graduation I got a job working in home care. Not glamorous, but I was just happy to be working in the field. By 2013 I had worked in a nursing home and a retirement home. Then I started working in a hospital. At that moment, I knew I was going to nursing school within the next year, but it was big. I started from the bottom and worked my way up to one of the best CNA jobs I could have had. I worked in the ICU, ED, medical floors, Pediatric floors, and other floors. The ICU would request to have me, total win there. So when I was in nursing school it didn't occur to me that I might have to work my way up to the top. I kind of had this idea that I already put that time in and that was the end of it. God has a funny way of reminding us who's in charge.

I've realized in the last few years that God uses unforeseen circumstances to lead us. God is in charge of our lives, and our life plan. I wish I had control over the things that happen, and to a point I do, but he has control over my control. If God wants something to happen, it happens.

The last 6 months have not been part of my plan. My plan was to pass boards, the first time, and get a job in the Emergency Department right away. Two things that did not happen. I have hit many bumps in the road, and I keep finding more bumps. Just when things seem to be settling down, I'm hit with the reality that this life is not by my book.

I work in a rehab, and I am okay with that. I am proud of my job, because I earned this job. I put in the time and applied for jobs, I put in the work and went for interviews. I got this job on my own, with the help of God and the support from my family and friends. It's not my dream job, but for now, it's giving me experience. This job is teaching me, preparing me for the next step. I may get treated different from my classmates, because I have a 'crappy' job, and they feel bad for me. But I just smile - I got this job because someone chose me based on my own person, and not because they were told from professors to choose me. I may be getting constant emails from my director about how this job is not giving me the 'experience' I need to be a successful Acute Care Nurse Practitioner. But for now, this job is giving me experience to be a good nurse. I may have to take a year off to get that 'better' experience, and I will cross that bridge when it comes. But for now, I am enjoying what I have in front of me. Because this is Gods plan, and I am trusting that his plan is the best plan. 

So many times in life, we have this idea of how our life needs to be, and we can't get that view out of our minds. We just can't see what we don't want to see. We are constantly comparing our life to those around us. That girl has my dream job, that guy drives my dream car, that girl has the most handsome boyfriend, that girl has the prettiest shoes, or I wish I had his life because she gets to travel so much. STOP doing that! You have no idea what their life is like, what you see on the outside is so deceiving. Because while you are envious of their life, they may be envious of yours. I wish I had her hair, her boots are so cute, her dog is so well behaved, or she is the best cook. Start being thankful for what you have and not what you wished you had.

So no, I am not ashamed to work in a rehab, because this is exactly were God has planted me. It may not be the exact desire of my heart, but there is time. I am thankful for life and that I have a job to go to. I am thankful that I can pay my bills support myself. I am not going to waste time being jealous of others or complaining about the current situations I am in. I am loved by Jesus, and have faith in the future.

Remember that song?

You know that feeling you get when you hear an old song? The memories that come flooding back when you hear those lyrics? It happens to me all the time. I can't help but take a trip down memory lane when certain songs come on. It almost feels as if I'm back in that place, the place where that song first had meaning.

All the feelings come back; the sadness, the happiness, the laugher, the tears. Whatever I was feeling during that 'moment', when I hear that song, the feelings start to rush in. When I first start to date a new guy, and there's a song that describes our relationship or maybe the situation we are in - it becomes the song that I remember him by. When someone gives me news, the song thats on becomes the song that always takes me back to that conversation. And ironically, most of the time it's as if the song actually fits with what I'm feeling - like a 6th sense. 

A few weeks ago, I was in the car and Justin Timberlakes song, 'Make you love me' came on. As I was sitting at the red light I started to reminisce about the guy within those lyrics. I had just started seeing this guy, and I really liked him. But I was guarded, I had a 10 foot wall up and wouldn't let him cross it. I was planning my move to MA at the time, and that was allowing me to not get attached. I used the move as a way to not commit. We dated for over 4 months off and on, and one day he told me to download JTs song. Almost 2 years later that song still brings me back. We ended up breaking up a few months before I moved. He was looking for someone to marry, and I was looking for someone who could just be in that moment.

~~~

Then there's the song that inspired this post. I was at Starbucks a few days ago, and the barista had a strong resemblance to the last guy I dated (Yes, the barista was a guy). I found myself stumbling for words because I was so caught off guard. Okay no biggie, so what they look similar. I stay and do some studying, and really just couldn't get over how much they looked alike. I get in my car and Big & Rich's new song "Lovin Lately" comes on. I hadn't actually listened to the lyrics before. But on this day I happened to listen to what was being said. 

"Who you've been lovin lately. Who you've been callin baby. Who you've been runnin around in this tell all town. I guess you've finally got the best of me. I guess you thought I'd never see. You know it's so hard to believe how we came down. Like we were nothin baby, who you been lovin lately?"

I immediately started thinking about one of the last guys I dated, the guy I dumped, the guy I regretted dumping (for a while, not anymore though). I was hesitant about long distance, what guy in their right mind dates a girl he's known for 10 days and then she flies across the country to her place of residence. I don't know many. I mean lets be real, it's not an easy time if you're trying to start a relationship. So before he could end it, I did. I acted as if I didn't like him that much and that it didn't affect me. And I did a good job, who knows if my friends bought it, but they never called my BS. It's been 4 months, and it's still on my heart, only because I push away everyone who tries to get close to me. It's funny how in my life, these songs can mean so much. How a single song will bring back the rush of emotions. How a single lyric can have such an impact.  

~~~

It's not all past relationships though, its everything. There's 'The Truth' by Jason Aldean, remembering the time my best friend and I were talking about our most recent break ups. Or any of the upbeat Country songs reminding me how much I miss my home. The one that reminds me of being in the hospital hours before my uncle died. The songs my friends and I jammed to and of course sang to when we were in Jr high. The song I listed to as I was crying while driving home after I found out my boyfriend had just moved out which resulted in our breakup. Which happens to be the same song that came on 9 years ago after a different boyfriend broke up with me. I can't break the feeling, I can't seem to forget the significance. The song I was listening to when I was packing to go home for my best friends bachelorette weekend, I feel that excitement overcome me every time. The songs that subsequently played at her wedding and that entire whirlwind weekend.

I guess you could say my entire life could be described with some lyrics. All the moments in my life, could be associated with different songs. If you know me, you know the mood I'm in depending on what music I'm listening to. For every season of my life, for every different person who is my life at that point in time.. there is a song.

Today, it's Florida Georgia Lines 'Confesion'. I'm reminded how I felt when I first moved to MA, and how much I missed my family and friends. I remember the feeling of anticipation because I was going home for the holidays. I remember dancing to the song with my friends in the bar. As I sit and try to overcome the current home sickness I am feeling, it's those memories, that I don't ever want to forget.