My all time favorite phrase, "You're just too picky", and it's not in relation to food. I will eat anything, except Pizza, I will not eat pizza. The line is in relation to relationships. I'm picky about relationships. Picky about who I let ride along in this crazy life of mine. Mostly more so recently.
I went through a really bad friend break up last year. I realized at that time that I was settling for a lot of things in life and had a terrible judge of character. I let her basically walk all over me, and I kept trying to save our broken friendship. Deja Vu, the girl version of my last serious boyfriend. The friendship ended, and I see her once a week in class, but we haven't spoken a word to each other in months. I mean this girl couldn't even say 'Happy Birthday' to me last month. But other than that, I've kind of hit the jack pot in the friend situation, most of my friends are pretty great. So being picky really worked out in that way. But maybe I'm not that picky about my friends? I have quite a bit of them, at least a handful that I consider good friends. So when you have so many, maybe you're not as picky about them?
Men, on the other hand, that's another story. I seem to be extra particular about the men I date. All my friends, the handful of them, find it to be extremely annoying. I have actually stopped telling my friends about any new guys, because we all know, it's not going to last. Just a few months ago I was telling my friend Kam about this guy, she basically said to me "I don't even want to know, because he won't be around next month." Touche, Kam, Touche. She was right by the way. I especially have stopped telling my family about new guys. They have actually stopped asking, ha, yikes. But you see, its not even like I have these crazy high standards. It's actually pretty simple; somewhat have your life together, have your own vehicle, don't do drugs, be nice to my dog, don't complain about my cooking (it's probably not good, so sorry about that) and laugh at the stupid jokes I tell you. It is actually an easy list to fulfill. Those things are easy to find, it's not rocket science finding someone who has those traits. In fact, I have found that guy, multiple times.
It's the finer details that seem to send me packing. For instance, that guy that couldn't use correct grammar if his life depended on it. I mean, come on. What a huge turn off than when a guy can't find his way around the KeYbOaRd.
Or what about the guy who seems to be really into you, and says all the right things, but is always too busy to actually hangout and make things happen. Alright dude, I do not have time to wait around for you to figure it out. Between work and school I am busy 60+ hours a week, do you think I have time to play these games? No, the answer to that is no. I have zero time for that. I also am not the most patient of people, so my bad. But honestly, you're wasting my time with all this "all talk and no action" nonsense. If you are really interested, you'll manage to make plans. My best friend had a really incredible date last month, it seemed to be a winning situation. Except that they never had a second date, but continued talking to each other for nearly 3 weeks after that first date. Kudos to her for sticking that out. I guess the logic is that if you really had a great time hanging out with someone, wouldn't you want to do it again, sooner rather than later? I think the 'chase' is far too real for some people. Just because I ran track in high school doesn't mean I want to chase after you.
I am not usually one to initiate the first move when it comes to dating, maybe it's because there's only a few times I have felt the need to. I don't just show my interests in any guy that shakes his butt walking past me. I look at the butt, but don't usually ask that butt out. I actually rarely show any interest at all and I'm usually pretty content waiting for guys to approach me. But occasionally, I will make the first move. And men, if I have went out of my way to ask you out, you should just say yes and not beat around the bush. Because I am clearly interested. I have 2 days off a week, if I'm asking to spend one of those days with you, I am interested. At some point all your excuses are going to get old, and that "Don't write me off just yet" line is going to be only white noise. And if you don't want to say yes to my forward offer, then say it! It's like guys are afraid to hurt our feelings, um please, don't be. My feelings are going to be fine, no sutures will be necessary for these feelings.
Then, there are the ghosts. You know who I'm talking about, that guy that was so amazing, and then all of the sudden he disappears. If it's never happened to you, consider yourself lucky. I was listening to the radio the other day, and this girl had called in talking about her most recent dating situation. She had been seeing this guy for a few months, and they had planned to go on a vacation together. A few days before this trip, he vanished. Stopped returning her phone calls, and obviously did not show up at the airport for their trip. Turns out he was married. So his lying, cheating ass probably got caught by his wife. I hope she left him. Anyway, the being married thing doesn't always happen. But the Houdini act is very real. A few years ago I was dating this guy, pretty great guy actually. So naturally, once he brought up 'the talk'. Not the birds and the bees talk, but the other one. You know, the "I really like you and don't want us seeing other people", talk. I was thrilled, I thought I had hit the jack pot with that one. But naturally, because I have such a great track record with this kind of thing, it was after that chat where he started bailing on plans, and at one point disappeared (only to return a week later). It was weird, but I fed into his line of bull and excuses as to why he couldn't give a girl a call back. We dated a few more weeks, until poof, he was MIA again. I was more annoyed than anything, okay fine, I was pissed. If you can't be honest and tell someone you just aren't interested anymore, than you just shouldn't be dating. Because you suck at it. Come to find out this guy was just a winner all around, he must have forgotten that he was also not supposed to be dating anyone else. Because he was dating 3 other people. How he even had time to somewhat manage 4 different girls still blows my mind. Moral of that story; unless it's halloween, I stay clear of ghosts.
Or what about the overly zealous gym goer? don't get me wrong, I like my men in shape. I am quite attracted to fit guys and those who aren't short of breath just walking up the stairs to my apartment. But do you have to talk about the gym all the time? I'm not impressed that you use expired epi pens as a form of 'pre-workout'. It is impressive that you can bench 200lbs, but can we please talk about something else? The calorie counters, I had no idea such a person existed. But they do, I love food, probably too much. So I am not going to eat cardboard because you are going to be over your daily amount. Shut up, I literally just had 1200 calories of chocolate covered macadamia nuts, I do not care about calorie counting.
And, I am not interested in a guy with all this extra baggage. I travel light, usually with just a carry on. I have no extra hands to tow around your suitcases full of baby mama drama, drug addictions, eviction notices, or broken down cars. Seriously, I have my own problems.
Needless to say, I'm a little more choosy in those I date than the average person. But is this such a bad thing? I don't think so. Because here's the thing, I have found guys who do annoying things, and I have kept them around. I liked them, so the tedious quirks didn't bother me. And sometimes, I can grow to like those quirks.
Some ladies at work the other day were talking about how they married in their older years and have started to have kids later in life. I jokingly said "So there is still hope for me!", and their response, "Never settle". I think society now has made us think that if we are in our 20's and not in a serious relationship, our life is just not up to par. But thats a load of crap. I think my life is just as fulfilling than some of those people I grew up with. I have a Bachelors degree, working on my Masters, pay all my own bills, vacation anywhere I want to go, and by next year I will be a bad ass nurse practitioner at the ripe age of 26.
In 50 years, I don't want to regret settling for some guy. When I see a red flag, I get the hell out. Sometimes I grab the popcorn and watch my life turn into a train wreck, but then I get out. There was a patient in the ED a few weeks ago. An old guy, who had a slew of medical problems. But what stood out most to me, his wife had just left him. He had been in the hospital recovering from a MI, and his wife left. Packed her bags and moved in with her new boyfriend. He had said to one of the nurses "At 78, you don't anticipate being alone again". I don't want to be 78 and single because the husband I settled for decided to leave me for a younger version of myself. So if being picky is what prohibits me from settling for Joe Schmo, I'll take it.
So advice to my younger non-married sisters and cousins: There is no such thing as being too picky, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If he doesn't make you laugh on the first date, get out of the there. Never, ever settle. And never turn down a date offer (unless you think he's going to kidnap you). Seriously, what do you have to lose? I always know after the first date if it's going to go anywhere. So one date is not going to kill you, take the date, kiss the guy. But don't go and marry the first guy who tells you that you're pretty. And please, don't marry that guy just because you got knocked up, I will be an excellent aunt someday. You do not need to settle for the one night stand. Take time to figure out what you want, and subsequently you will realize what you don't want. And just because you are 35 and still single, does not mean a damn thing. Don't settle, because you don't want to be 78, divorced, and trying to figure out how Tinder works. So for the man you finally end up with, he's going to be pretty special. Because he passed all the tests, I'll drink to that.
And not to completely toot my own horn, but I'm a catch. Literally, I'm not that fast anymore, so you probably could catch up to me. If some guy can't see the greatness that is me, well there's the door, I hope it hits you on the ass on the way out :)
