But you can't handle me

I've recently been reminded what it's like to be a strong, independent woman, living in a mans world {And no, this has nothing to do with marches or protests or anything political}.

Men have always been the "bread winners", the "head of the house", the "root of the family". And women, have been told that they must live in the shadow of a man. Growing up, I never understood the problem, until now.

Why do I need to downplay my success because it makes men feel de-masculinated? I am a 26 year old woman who is intelligent, not terribly bad to look at, successful, and incredibly driven. I can remember a time when people thought I wouldn't make it, and all that negativity, has made me want it even more. So why, why do I need to date a man that is more successful than I am? Or why do I need to date a man that makes more money than I do? What if I don't care about the job, the money, the success? Personally, I am just attracted to what I see on the inside, not all the material crap on the outside. 

I read something on the internet the other week:

"I'm ashamed for being a coward. I'm afraid. A man likes to be the leader in a relationship, a man likes to know the bulk of the knowledge so he feels more powerful in his masculinity. With you, I'm not the most intelligent, or strongest emotionally. You would force me to change by simply being. And I wasn't brave enough to step outside of all that I knew, and have grown comfortable in knowing."   - Random Guy

We spend all this time, sitting quietly, and letting men be "the man". Letting them feel as if they hold all the cards. Quieting the fire, so we don't threaten their manhood. That feeling where you are walking on eggshells and hushing your soul. It is true, that weak men cannot handle strong women. They are threatened that their partner is going to "outshine them". But you know what, I pray to God that I marry a man that outshines me everyday, and trust me when I say that I will be his biggest cheerleader (with actual cheers of course). I will be his number one fan, because that is what being in a relationship is. And I hope the feeling is mutual, actually the feeling has to be mutual. At some point, we have to graduate from young, immature relationships. We have to at some point be accepting of real, adult, relationships. Where the love is real, and the partnership is a true partnership.

A friend of mine was dating a girl a few years back, she was younger than he was and she was doing pretty well for herself. He had said to me during their relationship, "What if one day she wakes up and realizes I'm not good enough for her?". Well, If one day that happens, then she is a bitch and not good enough for you. There is no such thing as "good enough for someone". If you are happy, they make you laugh, and bring out the best in you.. they are good enough. Feeling inadequate is a form of insecurity that we must get over.

Men want to get their life together before they pursue a woman, they need to be ready, they need to feel on top of the world. And it's sad, because I think a lot of women require a man that "has his shit together", he needs to be "financially stable", he needs to "already be successful". I never understood that part. Do you have a job? Can you afford to pay your bills? Do you have a car that runs? Never been to prison? Don't do drugs? If the answer to those questions are "YES", then perfect. I don't care what you do for a living, I don't care where you live or who you live with, and I don't care what kind of car you drive. Seriously, if you like someone, that stuff shouldn't matter. We've grown accustomed to letting material issues get in the way of being happy. Strong women shouldn't let the fact that he isn't there yet, ruin a good thing.

I am a successful, independent, and driven woman. And if some guy cannot handle the fire that is burning in my soul, then he can find his way out. I want a man that encourages me, and motivates me to be the best version of myself that I can be. And in return, I will forever be his motivation. If one day he wakes up and wants to change careers or make a huge life change, I will say "lets do it", because that is just what you do. Watching someone grow is the best feeling in the world, and knowing you had a part in that growth makes it so much sweeter. 

So ladies, don't dull your fire. Don't settle for a man. And never quit aspiring to be better. The right man will Love you for all that you are. And Men, don't dull her fire. Let her conquer the world. Be proud of her. And embrace all that is is. You might even get lucky and get an early retirement out of it :)