My favorite Banana Bread

One of my favorite things to in the kitchen is bake banana bread. I have toyed around with many recipes over the years, but found this one to be one of the best.

{In this recipe, I've substituted butter for greek yogurt and sugar for applesauce.}

2 1/4 Cups Whole Wheat Flour
1 Tsp Baking Soda
1/2 Tsp Ground Cinnamon
1/2 Tsp Ground Nutmeg
2 Eggs
1 Cup sweetened applesauce (replaces sugar)
1/2 Cup greek yogurt (replaces butter and oil)
3-4 Mashed Ripened Bananas
1 Tbsp Vanilla Extract
1 Cup Chopped Walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees
2. Grease/ flour 9x5 loaf pan
3. In a stand mixer- mix bananas, applesauce, eggs, and vanilla extract.
4. In a separate bowl- add flour, white sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, and nutmeg.
5. Add dry ingredients to banana mixture.
6. Fold in walnuts
7. Bake for 60 minutes


Calories per loaf= 2386
About 8 servings (298 Calories per serving)

Note: If you omit the walnuts it saves you 800 Calories, which makes the total 1586, 198 calories per serving. 

Why I choose Essential Oils

For those that are around me on a daily basis, you know how "crazy" I have gotten. I actually agree, I am a bit crazy. But really I'm crazy about Essential Oils, as you've noticed :)



This past March I went to Florida for a Bachelorette weekend getaway. I ended up enjoying the beach so much that I had a terrible sunburn on my lower legs and feet. My wonderful cousin, April, was there and told me that I needed to put Lavender oil on the places I had a sunburn. I think I gave her a strange look. The other girls also gave a strange look. I had heard of essential oils before, I had actually used them at random times (tea tree spray to disinfect my yoga mat, and in my shampoo for dandruff). But to think this oil was going to get rid of my sunburn, and on top of that stop it from hurting like heck? That was insane. BUT, I had forgotten my lidocaine aloe gel (seriously that stuff is a life saver). So I decided to lather my feet and calves with Lavender essential oil. I went to bed and to my surprise when I woke up, my sunburn was by far much less red and it didn't hurt! I guess you could say that I was sold at that moment. When I got back to Worcester I wanted to continue using oils and find other uses for them. Mainly I wanted to find something that would help my chronic migraines. That same great cousin sent me a little care package with a few of the must needed oils. So then I started to research on my own, I knew about the big brands like Young Living and Doterra, but with a tight budget I decided to continue looking. After countless hours glued to my computer I stumbled across Edens Garden. They are not a wholesale so their prices are lower. Now I didn't want to settle for cheaper oils and get crappy oils as a trade off. I really looked into this company. I found some websites where real consumers (like you and I) compared EG, YL, and Doterra. The biggest find was that some of the YL and Doterra oils were stronger than the EG oils. BUT, all in all they found that the oils were very comparable in quality. I was able to do my own comparison and compared the EG and YL lavender and peppermint. I did like the YL better in terms of smelling strength, they were also a little thicker which made using them much cleaner. The EG oils weren't bad though, in fact I thought they were up there with the YL oils. Being on a budget I decided to try a small sample of the EG oils. I ordered a package that had oils I chose, from synergy blends to single oils. I have since purchased more oils from EG and have been very pleased.

They help me with my headaches, cramps, nausea, uplifting my mood, easing my anxiety, and they make my house smell amazing when I diffuse them! I'm excited to continue learning about oils and finding new uses for them in my life. Stay tuned to my Essential Oil experience!

Twenty-Five

Last Saturday I celebrated my Twenty-Fifth Birthday. It was a great day with wine, friends, and of course dancing. It's crazy to think about the last 25 years. I'm a little taller, a lot smarter, probably not as funny, maybe more sarcastic, but definitely a bigger pain in the butt.

I remember the day each of my sisters was born, they each got a little better with time. I remember birthdays, themed ones of course. I remember Thanksgiving day Fantasy Lights outings. I remember Easter Egg hunts. I remember farm animals in the backyard. I remember swimming for days on end each summer, okay maybe I was laying out. I remember watching my grandpa and uncles play in their baseball league. I remember making popcorn balls every winter. I remember the day I got my play house. I remember getting in trouble for drinking and driving, in my defense THAT time I actually didn't do it. I remember getting new pets. I remember getting my first hospital job. I remember jumping on my water bed, while jamming to Terri Clark (look her up). I remember begging my parents to let me wear mascara. I remember getting my first car, and buying the second one all by myself. I remember trying out for sports teams. I remember going to Dairy Queen for special treats. I remember cutting my hair before AWANA. I remember bike riding with my dad. I remember rebelling against everything my parents said. I remember play dates at Spanaway Park. I remember being homeschooled, then going back to public school. I remember moving across the state, then moving across the country. I remember sneaking out of the house. I remember vacation bible school. I remember not knowing what sex was. I remember being embarrassed when my mom came to my school wearing buck teeth. I remember laughing at my great great grandmother who had Alzheimers. I remember road trips to California and Iowa. I remember that halloween when my parents told me I had a different Dad than my sisters. I remember my first time on a plane. I remember that spelling bee where I couldn't spell laundry or was it vacuum? I remember my first time at Disneyland and then Disneyworld. I remember fights with my parents. I remember moving to Iowa, and I remember moving back to Washington. I remember my first time flying alone, I was 9. I remember dancing with my Uncle at his first wedding. I remember blushing every time he called me "babe", now he just calls me bean. I remember wanting my baby sister to be 'put on the ground, so I could play with her'. I remember that time at Denny's when I met my biological dad. I remember when my cat died, both of them. I remember moving to a new house. I remember my first day of middle school. I remember all the different 'best' friends I had. I remember my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first heartbreak. I remember asking Jesus to live inside my heart forever. I remember the day my other Uncle died. I remember the day my sister called me needing my help. I remember popped collars. I remember getting put to sleep for a dental cleaning. I remember getting my first 40 hour a week job. I remember the first time my grandpa yelled at me. I remember calling my grandpa to come 'save me'. I remember graduating high school, and then college. I remember moving into my dorm room. I remember getting my rejection letter to nursing school, and then years later getting my acceptance letter to graduate nursing school. I remember bombing tests, and acing some. I remember skipping school. I remember starting my period, yikes. I remember getting fired from my first job. I remember my grandpa teaching me how to drive, and my uncle teaching me how to speed. I remember being jealous because I couldn't go hunting. I remember my first funeral. I remember picking up my very own dog. I remember buying my first legal drink. I remember drinking my first not so legal drink. 
I remember the last 25 years. So cheers to the next 25~

Things I've learned in my 25 years of life:

- You will mess up, but don't give yourself a hard time about it
- Never allow another person to determine your mood
- Dogs are a girls best friend
- The older you get, the less bullshit you want to put up with
- Not everyone in your life is on your 'team'
- Laughing really is the cure for a bad day, plus a little wine :)
- There are a lot of people who want to see you fail ... BUT there are even more who want to see you succeed
- Dancing is better in cowgirl boots
- There will be a lot of days when you want to give up, don't
- Friendships are better when quality > quantity - I can name all my best friends on one hand
- Family is #1
- It's okay to cry, but clean up your black eyes after
- Not everyone that asks "How are you", really cares what the answer is
- Nice guys (that I would consider dating) do exist
- Jesus loves you, forever, despite ALL of your flaws
- Growing up is inevitable, embrace it
- Never stop learning ~

Five Years

Five years ago today, I was sitting in Psychology class at Washington State University. I got a phone call from my mom, I couldn't talk so I rejected the call. I sent her a quick text saying "I'm in class", figuring she would know that I would call her back when class got over. It was a Thursday so class was a little under and hour and a half. She calls again, did she not see my text? Then she texted me, I don't remember what the text said but I knew immediately to call her. I got up from my seat and walked out the back doors of the packed lecture hall. I called my mom back and when she answered I knew something was wrong. She wasn't crying, I don't even think she said anything right away. The ominous silence told me everything I needed to know.

Lets back track, I was kind of expecting to get this sort of call. The day prior I was on my way to class and my mom had called me requesting that I pray for my Aunt and Uncle. It's not my story to tell so I won't go into details. But there had been some issues and our whole family was on alert.

The silence coming from the other end of the phone only lasted for a few seconds, although it seemed like hours. I'm sure she finally said something similar to "There's been an accident". My first thought was something had happened to my Aunt. I started to hyperventilate and my imagination started running wild. She brought me back to reality and told me that my Uncle was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. "Wait, what? How?". I learned that my Uncle had hung himself in the garage. He had been deprived of oxygen for about 7 seconds, which is a significant length of time in this situation. I am not sure the specific sequence of events but I know he was taken to the nearest hospital where they had to restart his heart multiple times. He was then transferred to a different hospital where they would better be able to handle his critical condition. He was put into a medically induced coma and his body was cooled in order to conserve as much oxygen as possible. The police didn't think he had actually meant to cause harm to himself, their thoughts were he was trying to get peoples attention. But his body weight made him pass out and hence, he was starving for oxygen. His organs already weren't in the best health and he was really in bad shape.

In the meantime, I was stuck in Pullman, because I had class. My friend was going to be driving to the West side the next day, so I asked if I could tag along. I didn't think It was best for me to drive myself home considering the circumstances. We left for Seattle on Friday morning and I took the light rail to Harborview Medical Center. I was greeted by my Dad and a family friend. It hadn't really hit me what was happening. I walked into the hospital, it was quiet but still very busy. Our family had pretty much taken over the waiting room. I found my Aunt and we hugged, then she brought me back to his room. Now before this I for some reason thought that he was going to be awake. I knew what it meant to be in a coma, but I had pushed the thought out of my mind and didn't correlate that he was actually in a coma.

The next 24 hours were pretty hectic. His chances of waking up were getting slimmer and slimmer. My cousins 5th birthday was that Sunday, I remember asking him what he wanted for his birthday. He responded with "Well if my dad wakes up then I'll just get him." My Uncle came off life support that Saturday evening, I was allowed to be in the room during the procedure and the scene will forever be burned in my memory. A quilt was made for my Aunt and cousins with his hand prints. We celebrated my cousins birthday the next day. It was one of the worst birthday celebrations I had ever been to.

Its a strange time of year, this anniversary. Throughout the years my Uncle wasn't the nicest guy. Now again, that's not my story to tell. But near the end of his life he wasn't a big family favorite. I however, never knew the man that was described to me. I didn't truly learn the whole story until a few years after he had passed. Even after hearing what kind of man he was behind closed doors, my opinion of him never changed. He is still the Uncle who would wake up in the middle of the day (he worked graveyard so his day sleep was crucial) to come get me because my car broke down. He is still the Uncle who could turn my crappy teenager attitude into a laugh or smile. He is still the Uncle who would tiptoe around the house in the early morning so I wouldn't wake up when I was sleeping on the couch (He never knew, but I was always awake). He is still the Uncle who reminded me that I was going to achieve greatness one day. He is still the Uncle who told me I was too good for all the guys I dated. He is still the Uncle who could make anything into a joke, and chances were I thought it was hilarious. This time of year is truly a hard one, because I don't have bad memories of him. I think he purposely sheltered me from most of it. Why? I will never know.

I never really got to say goodbye that summer. I was supposed to stop by my Aunt and Uncles house the night before I went back to school. But my car was already loaded down and it was getting late. My Aunt and one of my cousins came over instead. My Uncle stayed home because I think he wasn't allowed at my house. I knew I would be home within the month so it wasn't too big of a deal, I would see them when I came back. It's funny how we think we have time. We assume that tomorrow is guaranteed.

That Friday night before he passed, I was in the hospital room with my Aunt and cousin. Just the four of us. A song came on the radio and it was the first time I had heard it, it had a nice tune. The three of us looked at each other and kind of smiled. It was almost as though he had picked that song to come on, like he was dedicating it to us. I heard it again racing down I-5 to get back to the hospital the next day. And five years later that same song still makes me cry like a baby. 

God Gave Me You- Dave Barnes

I've been a walking heartache. I've made a mess of me. The person that I've Been lately. Ain't who I wanna be. But you stay here right beside me. Watch as the storm goes through. And I need you. 

God gave me you for the ups and downs. God gave me you for the days of doubt. For when you think I've lost my way. There are no words here left to say, it's true. God gave me you.

As I write this there are a lot of 'what ifs' that cross my mind. My heart aches for my 4 handsome cousins who have learned to grow up without their dad. They have been blessed with a loving mother and other male role models in their life, but nothing will ever fill that void where their dad should be. Boys, if you are reading this, I am so sorry for all your pain.  

~~

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, PLEASE seek help. The decision to take your own life affects everyone around you. Taking your own life is NOT the answer. You are loved by so many.

Did you know?

Suicide is the 4th leading cause of death for adults between 15-64 years of age. In the United States, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death. Every day about 112 Americans take their life every day. There are 4 male suicides for every 1 female suicide, but women are 3x more likely to attempt suicide. And across the United States, 25 million Americans suffer from depression each year.

If you would like to learn more or to donate to the Suicide prevention cause visit 
http://theovernight.donordrive.com

~~

So Uncle Jim, today while your'e in Heaven enjoying unlimited Coke,

I'm on earth wearing my 5th grade pants in memory of your life.

I hope you found the peace that you were looking for.

rip.

Philophobia

I debated a bit in regards to blogging about today. Today is a day, that has a little bit of meaning. The first is that it is my Papas birthday. Up until two years ago, that was the only significance about this day. Now it has a whole new meaning.

For those of you who are confused and wondering what today could possible mean, it is my Single anniversary, it is the day I got my mojo back, it is the day I vowed to NEVER let another person ever dictate my happiness, it is the day I learned that I could do better, it is also the day I got dumped. But lets not really focus on that last part, although it was such a blessing in disguise.

Single: Adjective |sin-gel|: Not having or including another : only one : not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.

{I like to reference how the dictionary defines words in my blog}

You see I have done a good job of being single for the last two years. Now for those of you who know me might be really confused because in the last two years I have dated, quite a bit actually. But for the purposes of that dictionary, I have not had a serious relationship. None of those guys were worthy enough to actually be my boyfriend. Well maybe some of them were, but I was not about to try that out. Getting into another serious relationship scared the living shit out of me. Thats really the only way to describe the feeling. I've met some pretty great guys in the last 730 days. But none that I wanted to make my boyfriend. That makes sense right?

Lets rewind, its 2008 and I'm a senior in High school {Don't worry this trip isn't going to last long}. I meet a guy, and I get this "I've got a crush on you feeling". I immediately tell myself "NO NO NO NO". He was a grade younger, not the tallest guy, and he was my exes best friend. I have a hard time listening to peoples advice, especially when it's my own advice. We started dating, secretly because he's mom hated me. Thats a great way to start a relationship, right? From the start it was a rocky journey, but I could never really walk away. I went to college in Eastern Washington about 5 hours away and we decided to stay together. How sweet, I know. Again, it was rocky, we were off and on and on and off. He cheated on me, and I was the idiot who stayed with him, it was a super great time. The next year he moved to the midwest. And we still tried to make it work, that year was actually better. We did that long distance for 2 years, it wasn't the worst. The distance allowed us to focus on school, but the distance wasn't so good for the trust issue. That 4th year, in 2012, we decided to live together. Yes I know we were living in sin. We talked about marriage, looked at wedding rings, and even talked about buying a house together. We did that for almost a year. It was okay, but not the best. Who am I kidding, I should have left back in 2008. The details aren't important, but the moral of the story is that I let this guy have total control. Before that I was a carefree and independent girl. I am not so sure what changed in that timeframe, I knew he wasn't the one for me, but I was willing to tell myself he was. It was like a sickness.

Lets fast forward to now, August 27 at 5pm in Worcester, Massachusetts. I never thought in a million years I would be here, writing this blog. Back in the day I had this "plan", I'm kind of a bit OCD so having plans is my thing. Anyway, this plan was my life plan. I was going to go to nursing school, and become a nurse. I was going to be married to my prince charming by the time I was 25. I was going to be living in a big house with lots of acreage, riding my horses every morning. I had all these plans, and goals. Now the only one that still is in effect is to become a nurse, thats really the only one that is an actually goal and still attainable. If you don't know, I will be 25 in a little over 2 weeks. I am definitely not going to be getting married by then. BUT for the record, I am nowhere near the place in my life where I am ready to be married. I do not want to be someones wife right now.

So today, on the anniversary of what I thought was the worst day of my life, I am sitting here happier than I have ever been. My happiness has nothing to do with anybody else. And today, I've decided not to be scared. At some point I have to get into a serious relationship with someone {Disclaimer: I in no way ever want to get back with my ex}, so why not just get over it and do it! I like to do this thing, where if a guy I like shows any interest in me I make up all these excuses why I actually don't like them. As soon as they start taking it up a notch, I run the other way. I actually just did this recently. I'm a very weird person, I know this. So no more of that, no more running from guys who like me, no more making up reasons why not to like someone. I am taking my life back, No more Philophobia ~

Philophobia: The abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love or emotional attachment.

I've learned a lot in the past few years:

Never settle for anything that doesn't feel right. Never be with someone because it's better than being alone. Never not like someone because they wear weird shoes. Never lie to yourself about your feelings. Never allow someone to make you feel small and unimportant. Never adjust your dreams to fit someone elses.
Always be yourself, no matter how crazy you are. Always be positive. Always smile. Always give the benefit of the doubt. Always put yourself #1. Always be truthful. Always stay true to your dreams. Always Love Jesus. 

Home is Where the Pieces of my Heart are

Homesick: Adjective |hom-sik| : Sad because you are away from your family and home.

Merriam-Webster really hit it home there. I don't think being homesick has anything to do with missing a physical location, but I think it has to do with missing people. Actually I know this, I know that it has everything to do with missing people, hearts, souls, loved ones. Home is whatever you make it, it is the people that make the home. I'm not sick for the home, I'm sick for the people. I'm sick for the distance between us. I'm sick for the time we are apart. I'm sick for memories I am missing. I'm sick for those smiles that could light up a room. I'm sick for that laughter, the kind that makes your stomach hurt. I'm people sick.

One year ago around this time I was in the same spot, sad because I had just left everything I knew and moved across the Country. I missed my family, I missed my friends, and I missed the view of that beautiful Mountain. Today, I am here again. But this time its worse, because I know how hard the next days will be.

I just had the most amazing summer of all time. I spent ten days in May in my home state. My gorgeous little sister picked out her wedding dress, my best friend had her bridal shower, and I spent countless hours with my entire family. At the end of June, I went to the wonderful state of Iowa for my beautiful Aunts wedding. I was able to see a lot of my family that I don't get to see that often, and I saw my parents again. I spent Fourth of July in Massachusetts at the Beach with some of my special friends. There was a quick weekend in July where I went back to that beautiful Pacific Northwest state for that same best friends bachelorette party. There was a boat party in Rhode Island and then I was back to Washington for my best friends wedding. We spent the most wonderful ten days in Eastern Washington celebrating and creating more memories than ever. Then it was back to Western Washington for two weeks of family time. I met an amazing guy who swept me completely off my feet. I threw my grandpa a surprise 65th birthday party and we had a huge crowd. My best friend from Massachusetts (and her sister) were in Washington, so naturally I took them to my favorite country bar and taught them how to line dance. My East coast besties met my West coast besties. My heart was full of love, and my brain was packed with memories. It was the most amazing summer.

I was holding back tears days before my scheduled flight. How could I leave? Countless questions from my friends, "Do you have to go?", "Can't you finish school here?". The truth was I had to go, I had to go back. Part of me was ready to go back, I needed to get back to my routine. But why did it have to be so far?

Today was the first day of school. Graduate school year two is officially in session. I am lucky to have met the most wonderful friends who support me, encourage me, love me (even when I'm not that lovable), and make living here worth all the while. I am even more lucky that I will be seeing my parents in a little over a week. Mom and Dad are coming to Boston for some tourist activity and to watch me get pinned! After a year of hard work I am finally going to be a real live nurse (after I pass the test though)!! "Home is not just one physical location. I have "homes" all over the Country. My homes are where my people are. Massachusetts is a new physical home for me. And although I'm not sure where the future is with me and the East Coast, I am happy to be here for whatever time I have.

When I think back two years ago during my grad school application phase, I was ready to leave, I was ready to go find adventure. In the last year I have found that adventure, but I know theres more adventure out there. I am learning so much about myself and learning how to be a better daughter, sister, and friend. I wish the distance wasn't 3,000 miles, but there's no going back now. So here's to being an adult, making your own decisions, missing your 'home', taking adventures, and to always looking forward. It's not an easy journey, but this route makes it the most fun. 

| "For I know the plans I have for you,"

Declares the LORD, "Plans to prosper you

and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 |

When the homesickness kicks in, I remind myself that we all sleep under the same moon

Happy Mothers Day Mom

25 years ago on May 13, 1990 my mom spent mothers day pregnant in her 2nd trimester. As a 16 year old I can't imagine that was not in her plan. 4 months later I made my grand entrance into this world. On that day, my mom became a single parent. A situation I know was not part of her plan. As the years have came and gone my mom has given birth to 3 more beautiful daughters, and has never missed a Mothers Day celebration.

I can tell you it has not always been easy, there were times when I thought my mom was evil and was put on earth to ruin my life. Of course I was a dramatic teenager and who really likes their mom at that age? Lots of ups and downs, with more downs than ups. When I left for College in Eastern Washington in August of 2009, my plan was to leave and never come back. But, surprisingly the 5 hour distance was exactly what my mom and I needed to mend our relationship. The distance gave us space and technology gave us communication.

Looking back, I am proud of my mom and all she has accomplished. With the help of a loving husband, who married her despite being a little crazy, she raised 4 successful children. Who showed us how much Jesus loves us and taught us to be Christ Like. As the oldest and the wisest, I've seen our family go through many changes over the years. Some of them were fun, and others I could have done without; From getting the idea to move half way across the country only to move back a few months later, to new jobs and getting job promotions, to crazy hair colors, to new cars, to new pets, to laugher at the dinner table, to leaving for college, to graduating, to losing the first tooth, to saying the first world, to the first time getting in trouble, and to that first and only spanking - it was sure a roller coaster.

~~~~~~~~~

As you go about your day, take time to wish your Mom a happy Mothers Day. After all, being your mom was probably not the easiest. So this post is dedicated to all the mothers in my life and most importantly to my mother. Thank you for putting your life on hold to care for my sisters and I, thank you for showing us love even when we were brats, thank you for providing a roof over our heads, thank you for your joy, thank you for showing us laughter when you came to our schools in buck teeth, and thank you for never giving up on us. We love you.

3 generations ~ July 2013

~~~~~~~

"Somebody's Hero"

She's never pulled anyone from a burning building
She's never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans, screaming out her name
She's never hit a shot to win the game
She's never left her footprints on the moon
She's never made a solo hot air balloon ride, around the world, 
No, she's just your everyday average girl (but)

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

She didn't get a check every week like a nine-to fiver
But she's been a waiter, and a cook and a taxi driver
For twenty years, there at home, until the day her girl was grown
Giving all her love to her was her life's ambition
But now her baby's movin' on, and she'll soon be missin' her
But not today, those are tears of joy runnin' down her face

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her daughter in her wedding dress
She gave her wings to leave the nest
It hurts to let her baby go down the aisle she walks right by
Looks back into her mother's eyes
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

Last Mothers Day ~ May 2014