Grace Upon Grace

Grace: [Gras] Noun - The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

I just got back from Awakening Conference. Three days of worship, leadership teaching, and a whole lot of talk about Jesus. I feel like I am on a high that I can't come down from, and I don't want to. I've been to conferences before, and they have all been amazing. But I think its true that God plans things so strategically, that things you may have heard in the past had no meaning until you hear them on his terms.

The week leading up to the conference was stressful, I had a test I had to prepare for prior to leaving. Being in a Graduate Nursing program is rough, I don't have much spare time, so going to this conference was taking a big risk in terms of my school work. I had decided on Wednesday that I would get as much done as a could and regardless of my completion I would attend the conference starting Thursday night. Boy am I glad I did. I didn't nearly get everything done I wanted to and part of me felt guilty for leaving it half done. BUT Thursdays session had me blown away. My old pastor, Chad Veach, preached a sermon titled "Express Yourself" in reference to Luke 17:11-19. He is so extremely gifted in his ability to make you understand what the scripture is saying. His message hit me close to home and really set the tone for my heart as to what would happen in those next couple of days.

"The Grateful Leper"

11 Now on the way to Jerusalem, Jesus was passing along between Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he was entering a village, ten men with leprosy met him. they stood at a distance, 13 raised their voices and said, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us." 14 When he saw them he said, "Go and show yourselves to the priests." And as they went along, they were cleansed. 15 Then one of them, when he saw he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice. 16 He fell with his face to the ground at Jesus' feet and thanked him. (Now he was a Samaritan.) 17 Then Jesus said, "Were not ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Was no one found to turn back and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19 Then he said to the man, "Get up and go your way. Your faith has made you well."

I can think back to my days at vacation bible school and Sunday school and I remember hearing this story. It never really spoke to me, I never really grasped it.. until now. So often we pray and ask God for help, encouragement, or for something specific. But how often do we thank him?! I know I don't nearly thank him as much as I'm asking him. Another thing I missed all those years, the one that went back, he wasn't afraid to go against the crowd. Its so easy to follow what everyone else is doing, even though at times we know its the wrong thing. John Gray made a comment that relates perfectly, "If popularity is your gain then you need to step out of the game" - We need to STOP doing things because its "cool". Don't be afraid to stand up for Jesus, don't be afraid to praise his name in public. As humans we have an internal worry about what other people will think of us, just stop, who cares what they think. Jesus expressed his love for us in the greatest way by taking our place and dying on the cross.

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This weekend changed me, I want to tell everyone I see about God's Grace. The Grace he continues to show us. It doesn't matter how far we stray from him, God continues to love us and is never too busy for us. We don't deserve his love, we didn't deserve for him to send his only son to die in our place, we don't deserve Heaven. But we get it, we get all of his grace, every single day of our lives. He shows us Grace upon Grace. No matter what you are going through, God's Grace is never too far away. He is there is pain, he is there in joy, he is there in during the trials, and he is there during the unknown. His Grace is never ending.

Broken Vessels- Hillsong (No Other Name)

All these pieces

Broken and scattered

In mercy gathered

Mended and whole

Empty handed

But not forsaken

I've been set free

I've been set free

Amazing Grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost

But now I'm found

Was blind but now I see

Oh I can see it now

Oh I an see the Love in your eyes

Laying yourself down

Raising up the broken to life

You take our failure

You take our weakness

You set your treasure

In jars of clay

So take this heart, Lord

I'll be your vessel

The world to see

Your love in me

Amazing Grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost

But now I'm found

Was blind but now I see

Oh I can see it now

Oh I an see the Love in your eyes

Laying yourself down

Raising up the broken to life

The mate(s) for my Soul

When I first moved to New England I was a little scared about making friends. I sometimes have issues with finding people that I like... and then if I do like them it becomes the issue of continuing to like them. I tend to get more along with those of the opposite sex due to the less extent of outward drama. In High school I was lucky enough to find good friends, and most of those shriveled away after graduation but a few really stuck (Especially you Kaylee). In college it was the same, and again one really stuck (That would be you Nicole). Now, those friendships have been at times challenging to keep up with. We all have our own lives and things get in the way of spending quality time with each other. So you can see my concern when it came to moving 3,000 miles away.

Kaylee and I had the most amazing time that Summer before I left. We literally laughed for months straight. My body had made a permanent imprint on her couch, and her boyfriend (now Fiancé) was forever annoyed of our jokes...and especially the dancing. Our friendship had endured High school and all the drama that entailed, College with me being five hours away and not coming home a lot, and now post college. Lots of history and not always making the best decisions, but so so many memories. I cried when I had to leave her. "Was it ever going to be the same?". 

First off, was I ever going to make actual friends in New England? Was I going to have 'school friends' but no 'weekend friends'? Yikes. "What was I getting myself into?!" I was going to move across the Country and have only my dog to come home to. And what would happen to my friendships at home? Were they going to forget about me? Would those too just fizzle away like others had when the distance got the best of us? "What the hell was I thinking?!?!" It was a pretty intimidating time, friendships are important. And I wasn't the most accepting person when it came to new people. Also, my 'resting bitch face' doesn't help in the matter of coming off as a super kind person (Thanks to my grandmother and mom... glad I inherited that from you guys).

It's a life changing situation when you pack up every thing you own and leave all your loved ones behind to start a new life somewhere far away. It's scary to leave the people that you are comfortable around with no guarantee of how things are going to turn out. It's a leap of faith and it's damn near the scariest thing I have done thus far.

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So let me paint you the picture. Its August 11, 2014 - My first day of class at UMass. I've only lived in the State for two weeks, I don't remember anyone from orientation. I walk in the door to the student lounge and walk to the back. Someone starts talking to me, vaguely remembering her as we spoke about our relocating and how the new living situation is going. All the sudden this blonde girl interrupts us...

"Where in Washington are you from?!", all giddy and cheerful. My first thought "Who the heck is this chick?". I quickly just say "Seattle", nobody knows where Spanaway/Graham/Tacoma/Puyallup is anyway. She responds with "Oh? But where EXACTLY?". "Who the heck is this girl? Why is she talking to me?". My response, "You wouldn't know". And she has the nerve to say "No but really, where? My brothers live in Washington." So I decide to humor this girl, I mean she's not going to know what I'm talking about and its really a waste of time.. but whatever. "Puyallup/Tacoma" I very quickly respond. "OMG thats where my brothers live!!!!". My mood suddenly changes and I want to know more. Her brothers live 5 minutes away from the house that I spent my almost 24 years of life! We talk the rest of the time in the lounge and when everyone walks over to the classroom, we sit by each other. We end up finding out that we are in the same track, which means we are stuck with each other for the next three years

I know what you're thinking "Aww how cute".

We ended up hitting it off from the start. I remember making plans with her to hangout and she showed me around Worcester. She was a native and became my personal tour guide. Quickly enough we became attached at the hip. Spending 90% of our time together, it was insane. I actually had a friend, and I actually liked her! In the last 9 months we have become extremely close. Knowing practically every dirty secret, and skeleton we are hiding in the closet. She knows when I'm having "one of my off days" and gives me exactly what I need, a punch in the face... no but really.

From the very beginning I was attending her family cook outs and other various events. I spent Thanksgiving with her family, attended her cousins birthday parties, helped her babysit the kids, went to her house for Easter, and lots of other occasions. I felt like I had a family away from home, such a great feeling. We've joked, that her family probably thinks we are lesbian lovers because I am always around, haha. When it's snowing, I help shovel her driveway, and trust me shoveling is not a good time. When we're bored we watch stupid videos online and sometimes we make our own (no you can never see them). 

It's really funny when she introduces me to old friends, they find out I'm from Seattle area and immediately respond with "Bri has family there!" or "Thats so crazy!" It really is though. What are the chances that I would meet someone that has connections with where I grew up and then end up becoming their friend?. It's not a coincidence, but a Godwink.

The other day I was on my way home from church and grocery shopping. She called me and wanted to know what I was doing. I told her and told her she was welcome to come over. So I get home, pull into my drive way, and theres her car. Unlock my front door, and there she is... sitting at the kitchen table. Thats the kind of relationship we have. She's at my house when I'm not even at my house (she has keys, don't worry no breaking and entering). I've never even used her doorbell.. I couldn't even tell you if she has one. That's our friendship in a nutshell, way past a stage 5 clinger. I wouldn't be surprised if one morning and she's there drinking coffee and reading the daily paper with Teddy on her lap. 

I never thought in a million years I would have a relationship like that with someone other than my husband (still somewhere in the future). But I do. So here's to my friendship that I hold so near and dear to my heart. Just know that I appreciate you and thank God that he made someone in New England that can actually handle me and my craziness.

I feel beyond blessed with all my friendships, each one is unique in its own way. I love that I can be 100% my self with each of them, and never have to worry about being judged. I trust them with my life, and I know that my secrets are safe with them. The memories we've created will last a lifetime. My hope is that someday my two Best Friends can become friends of their own (I've realized I must have a thing for Blondes). Thanks for being the mates for my Soul.

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Disclaimer: My sisters fall into a completely different category, as they are the puzzle pieces to my heart. Without them I am not whole and nothing in this world could ever replace their relationship.

God Winks

My sister, Author of  God winks and God links , introduced me to this book, "When God Winks at You" by Squire Rushnell. Its about true stories of how God communicates with us. What most people would call a coincidence, he calls a Godwink. It has since became a focus in my life.

This past Monday there was a tragic accident near my hometown. A young couple and their infant child were killed as a concrete slab fell from the overpass bridge, and crushed their truck. They just so happen to be Youth Pastors at my home churches sister church. I had never met them but we had some mutual friends. It gets you thinking, ya know, you hear these terrible things happening in the world and all you want to do is hibernate for life. It makes you never want to leave your house. But you can't live in fear that God is going to take you home while you are out living and enjoying life. 

I found myself thinking; what if.. they were driving faster or slower, or hadn't ran the yellow light, or had gotten stuck in traffic. My friend quickly brought me back to reality "But when its your time, its your time". Its true, he knows when our time is coming and he knows the story behind it.

After our conversation I flipped in Rushnell's book, page 149 gave me goosebumps.

"Isn't It Amazing?

If you totaled up the number of times

you were just about to step off a curb

but were distracted by something,

when you found yourself almost striding

in front of a fast-moving car,

when a small voice deep within - just in

the nick of time - stopped you from taking that step,

I suspect you'd be amazed.

Sometimes called instinct,
I call it the small still voice of God."

-Squire Rushnell

We attribute this moments as close calls, but its actually a Godwink. And God is using our day-to-day lives to talk to us. He's reminding us to slow down, he's reminding us to seek him, he's reminding us to always be grateful, he's reminding us not to take life for granted, and he's ultimately reminding us that he is in charge.

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As I look back on my almost 25 years of life I think of times when God was winking at me and I maybe didn't know it. I can remember some times now, those sometimes subtle messages of his Grace. I'm not sure what God's overall plan is for my life, but I know that he's in control. I do believe that God has been sending me winks for a while now, and I've been ignoring them. But it's so amazing how when you change some things around how much clearer his voice becomes. In the next couple of weeks I'll be following up with a few things and following what God is telling me to do and where he is leading me.

So next time you think your circumstance is chalked up to luck, fate, coincidence, or karma ... remind yourself that it is in fact none of those things, but it's a Godwink instead. There is a reason we meet the people that we meet, or go the places we go ... it is all part of God's plan. I encourage you to let God's plan unfold in your life. Embrace his winks ;) 

"Faith is the substance of things Hoped for,

the evidence of things not seen."

-Hebrews 11:1

Thankful for the Godwink that brought the three of us together

Putting the Past in the Rearview Mirror

I heard a song on the radio the other night, I got the boy by Jana Kramer. Its about a girl who sees photos of her ex on his honeymoon, obviously with someone else. I kind of thought it was gonna be a hate song and she was gonna bad mouth the ex and his new wife, But surprisingly she didn't. It can be hard to be okay with our exes being with someone one else, heck its hard just to have to see it sometimes. The reason I really liked this song was because she was truly happy for her ex to have found someone else. And I think now-a-days this is a rarity.

"I got the first kiss and she'll get the last.

She's got the future and I got the past.

I got the class ring, and she got the diamond and wedding band.

I got the boy and she got the man."

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Why do we use history as an excuse to get back with our exes?

I'm guilty of it too, its human nature. We remind ourselves of all the good times and then we paint this picture of how the relationship will just be wicked awesome after some time apart. Yikes, how many times does that actually happen? We constantly make excuses for the bad in the relationship just because theres 'History'. We've associated this idea of having a past with someone as also having a future. I think its even worse when both parties are single. It's the thought that "I might as well see if they have changed, I have nothing else to lose." WRONG. You will end up getting hurt again, they will disappoint you again, and/or they might cheat on you again. I had a friend, she will not be named, but she had this idea that she could change her boyfriend. Every time they got back together she said "this was it, if he hasn't changed then I'm done". Ladies and Gentlemen that lasted about 5 years. Holy crap, what a good chunk of time. They broke up, made up, got back together, fought, broke up, fought, back together, and eventually broke up for good. She was never going to be able to change him, and even if she did, why would you want to be with someone that you had to change in order to be what you want? Just ponder that for a minute. 

An ex boyfriend of mine texted me a few weeks ago, we chatted for a bit. He wanted to know if I was up for the idea of hanging out again. I will admit I thought about it, thinking maybe it would be fun. Then, as I sat on my couch and watched my dog chase his tail while running in circles, I realized "What the F am I thinking?". I know I'm smarter than a dog, right? Am I really going to gain pleasure in running in circles with the same guy, just different year. I know God was sending me a message that day. I don't think it's a bad thing to be friends with exes and catch up, but DO NOT date them again! It is one of those things you really have to figure out on your own, but for the sake of all the girls who I cherish deep in my heart.. please please please let it go. I hate to see you hurting, I hate to see your soul damaged because some guy has this rein over your life.

It's part of life to miss someone, they were part of your life for a an amount of time that you will never get back. You have memories with them and you can't just erase them from your mind. But having a past with someone does not mean that you have a future with them. You owe it to yourself to find someone who doesn't hurt you, someone who truly puts the pink in your cheeks, and someone who doesn't need to be changed.

As for my exes, I won't name you all, but I wish you the best of luck in your journey to find the one. I hope you never feel the need to settle because you deserve the very best.

The Power of Prayer

For the last 10 years I have suffered from chronic migraines. You all know the feeling; your head starts throbbing, you get sick to your stomach.. there goes your lunch, your vision starts to get blurry, and the lights and noise do everything but make you feel better. I get to have them a few times a month, I know you are all envious. But recently I've been getting them a few times a week, and some last for days at a time. As if I don't have anything else to do besides sleep all day right? I sit in class and look like a zombie because if I focus too much on anything, poof there goes the eyesight.

The last couple of migraines have been enough to make me want to commit murder (don't alert the authorities just yet). I decided to do the only logical thing, ask God for help. What a concept right? So last night after an almost 4 day migraine I asked my bible study group to pray for me. A good friend of mine laid hands on my head and just asked God to take the pain away and allow me to get back to my normal life. And, when I got home I asked God for the same thing.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Mark 11:24

This morning I woke up migraine free and have been all day. I prayed that God would continue to work in me and keep the migraine from coming back. At least for the next few days because I have an exam to study for. But I have faith, I know that he will answer my prayer.Pray faithfully, Pray gratefully, Pray whole heartedly. He will hear you I promise.

"And whatever you ask in Prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."

Matthew 21:22

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If you struggle with prayer I encourage you to continue praying. There is no right or wrong way to pray. I like to talk to God at all hours of the day. It doesn't have to be a before dinner or bed situation, and it doesn't have to be only if you're in need. Give thanks to God, show your gratitude for the life he has given you. 

"If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."

John 15:7

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."

Psalm 55:22

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord: trust in him, and he will act."

Psalm 37:4-5